If they're around when we need them, we take them for granted, and if they're not, we curse them and ourselves and the weather and anything else we can badmouth (which, when you're in a foul mood, is basically everything).
In the hierarchy of commonly used things, the umbrella's position seems only slightly higher than that of the alarm clock (which gets cursed when it works AND when it doesn't, so I shouldn't even start on that topic). Seems rather unfair considering how useful they are to us.
Anyone who has known me in the last year or two knows I always carry an umbrella when I'm going out for a considerable amount of time using public transport. Most people would carry a foldable one which can fit into a little bag, but I choose to carry this huge unfoldable (and extremely prominent) multicoloured umbrella.
It's been called "Gay Umbrella" and "Rainbow Umbrella" among other things. To make things easier and avoid repetitive use of the word "umbrella", I think I'll go with "Pride". The name works in more than one way. Adding a picture of a few lions would give it another dimension, but I think I'd rather not do that.
Why do I do that? (By "that" I mean carrying Pride around, not the refusal to stick lion pictures all over it.) Well, here's why:
1) It looks totally awesome. For all those (weird) people who hate a rainy day, if Pride doesn't cheer you up, I don't know what will.
2) It makes a wonderful walking stick (when you're my height. But you also get bigger sizes than mine)
I'm not that fancy looking, but strutting around with Pride makes me feel like I am.
3) For someone who's sensitive to bright light, it's very useful even when it isn't raining. If I don't know what the weather is like, I don't have to carry a hat and an umbrella; I can just take the Pride.
4) It gives me my personal space (literally). I've received some frowns from people who've had to move the slightest bit out of the way when it's open, but that's the point: they're not supposed to be closer than that anyway.
5) Hopefully it won't come to this, but if it does, I can use it as a weapon. I had to take it as check-in luggage on a flight because they said the sharp end could hit and injure someone (not that you necessarily need something sharp for that). Anyway, my umbrella arrived safe and sound, so nothing to complain about there.
I dread to imagine the consequences of not being nearly as quick as Jet Li, but that tea thing looks so cool I'd love to do it some time.
But of course, one can practise, thanks to all those jerks in cars who speed through puddles just so they can splash pedestrians.
6) It just occurred to me that you can also use an umbrella to hide from familiar people you don't want to run into. I've never needed to do that, but you could try it if you're really desperate to avoid someone.
I get asked quite often if it isn't a burden to carry around. Honestly, I don't think so, for all the reasons above and also because I don't carry too many things when I go out. If you do, you should probably consider leaving some stuff behind to make room for an umbrella. It's the one thing you can legally carry around which gives you all the protection you're likely to need.
PS - I can't believe I unwittingly named my umbrella in the course of writing this. I like it, though. It works at least for the purposes of this post, if nothing else.
PS - I can't believe I unwittingly named my umbrella in the course of writing this. I like it, though. It works at least for the purposes of this post, if nothing else.